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Trailer Snark (September 23, 2016 Theatrical Trailers)

Welcome to Trailer Snark, a weekly column covering trailers for movies that will be released this week with thoughts from our roster of bloggers (Jessica from The Female Perspective, Ken from The Crank File, Jim from The Front Row View, Rob from Spector for Hire, and Great Stories founder Chris).  Thanks for reading, and enjoy the previews!

Your trailer snark now comes with more thrills and less fill!  Let’s get right down to it!

The Magnificent Seven (MGM) – Western/Action
Rated PG-13 for extended and intense sequences of Western violence, and for historical smoking, some language and suggestive material
Tag Line: Justice has a number.
Starring:  Denzel Washington, Chris Pratt, Ethan Hawke
Plot: Seven gun men in the old west gradually come together to help a poor village against savage thieves.
Running Time: 132 minutes

Chris: One trailer in, and I cannot imagine anything overtaking this one.  Denzell and Pratt are favorites of mine, and the Old West never looked so wild and good.
Jessica: All over this one. One, it’s a Western. Two, it’s Denzel. Three, it’s Chris Pratt. Four, it’s a WESTERN.
Jim: Oh yeah. Great cast, good director, awesome source material (Seven Samurai and the 1960 original) and a well-made trailer. Get thee to a big screen.

Storks (Warner Bros) – Animated/Family
Rated PG for mild action and some thematic elements
Tag Line: A bundle of trouble is coming.
Starring: Adam Samberg, Jennifer Aniston, Kelsey Grammer
Plot: Storks have moved on from delivering babies to packages. But when an order for a baby appears, the best delivery stork must scramble to fix the error by delivering the baby.
Running Time: 89 minutes

Jim: Kids movies are a pretty crowded field. This doesn’t look much different than the rest—possible home viewer.
Chris: I’d rather watch Sporks….you know…an animated tale of the school lunch utensil’s answer to the platypus.
Jessica: Eh. Still not a fan of animated films so I’ll pass.

Queen of Katwe (Disney) – Biography/Drama
Rated PG for thematic elements, an accident scene and some suggestive material
Tag Line: One girl’s triumphant path to becoming a chess champion.
Starring: Madina Nalwanga, David Oyelowo
Plot: An Ugandan girl sees her world rapidly change after being introduced to the game of chess.
Running Time: 124 minutes

Jessica: This looks super sweet — perhaps TOO sweet, it is Disney so I am sure they gloss over how horrible her life truly was, but I’d watch it at home at some point.
Jim: Inspirational in a TV movie kind of way. Home viewer.
Chris: Chess movies usually don’t stir much interest for me, but this one has a nice human interest element to it.

The Dressmaker (Broad Green) – Drama
Rated R for brief language and a scene of violence
Tag Line: Revenge is back in fashion.
Starring: Kate Winslet, Liam Hemsworth
Plot: A glamorous woman returns to her small town in rural Australia. With her sewing machine and haute couture style, she transforms the women and exacts sweet revenge on those who did her wrong.
Running Time: 118 minutes

Chris: Not sure what to make of this one…….how about a dress?
Jessica: This look like a decent bit of fun. I enjoy Winslet and Thor’s little brother? AND HUGO WEAVING? Yeah, I’d watch this one at home.
Jim: Looks OK, good cast, but not worth plunking down the ten bucks. Home viewer.

Goat (Paramount) – Drama
Rated R for disturbing behavior involving hazing, strong sexual content and nudity, pervasive language, violence, alcohol abuse and some drug use
Tag Line: Cruelty. Brutality. Fraternity.
Starring: Ben Schnetzer, Nick Jonas
Plot: Reeling from a terrifying assault, a 19 year-old boy enrolls into college with his brother and pledges the same fraternity. What happens there, in the name of “brotherhood,” tests the boy and his loyalty to his brother in brutal ways.
Running Time: 96 minutes
Jim: If I want to watch morons for 2 hours, I’ll put in Dumb and Dumber. No way.
Chris:  Makes me glad I went to a school that lacked fraternities.  I’ll pass.
Jessica: What the F? Why do I care about a bunch of boys doing stupid things to be in a frat? I got annoyed and turned off the trailer. All set with this one. Forever. And no one else should see it either.

Tickets Purchased:  Unanimous decision for The Magnificent Seven!

This town ain't big enough for eight.
This town ain’t big enough for eight.
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