His Name was Jason, the Official Great Stories Friday the 13th Blog.
The Rationale of a Madman
By Tom Vanner
Why, hello my pretties. We had last left off in June 1979 the reopening of “Camp Crystal Lake.” In Today’s tale we go through the first 5 movies and how I have over the course of my life developed a rational that this could actually happen. It’s not likely and maybe has only 1% chance of actually working but I like those odds. Time to put on your pay the eff attention hats and let’s go.
Camp Crystal Lake has been green lighted to reopen after 22 years. The new counselors begin working on getting ready to reopen. One night counselor’s start getting picked off one by one and are just slaughtered. Thankfully for Alice, the only survivor, a sweet older women named Pamela happens to stop by camp and offer some comfort and consul. The women reveals a tale of when she was younger working as a cook, her son had drowned in the lake and his body was never recovered, and tonight was his birthday. Pamela then went mental and tried to kill Alice. However Alice was the Main character, so not only did she live but, she beheaded Mrs. Voorhees. Pamela had died in the same place her son had.
Fun facts the Late Betsy Palmer had Played Pamela Voorhees in the original “Friday the 13th”. She was asked after making the film on her thoughts of the movie. She would go on to say “I think its shit”. She had little to no expectations for the movie and never in her wildest dreams would have imagined the success it had. She had first read the script and though it was terrible, however she needed a new car and they were going to pay her $10,000, so she took the job. Jason was never written as being disabled he was suppose to be a regular boy, last second however they decided to try to add more sympathy to Jason by making him disabled. Jason was also originally named Josh, Jason was another writing change.
“Friday the 13th” became such a hit, they did a 2nd movie an official Part II. You may be wondering, “But hey how are they going to do that? Pamela has no head and Jason died at 11 back in 1957, you just wrote that, a few times actually.”
You got me, my friend. Jason did drown at the age of 11, or did he? His body was never found, (I also said this couple of times tighten those straps on your pay the eff attention hats). So here is how it could work. Jason went into the water; thrashing around people began to notice. People did witness Jason struggling in the water. In the commotion the few people who noticed took their eyes off him and he was gone. Who’s to say he somehow didn’t save himself and get out of the water on his own? Scared and embarrassed and having literally zero trust in anyone he hid out in the woods, scavenging for food and ended up building his own shelter. He never reunited with his mother but would take notice whenever she was in the area. June 13th 1979 on his 33rd birthday, he witnesses Alice decapitate his beloved mother. He would be timid no more. Now Jason is out and about taking revenge not for himself but for his mother. He picks up where she left off killing anyone who dares to enter “Camp Crystal Lake”. In this movie Jason has his first mask, the potato sack. He does end up getting revenge on Alice for killing his mother with an ice pick through the head. A new group of counselors are in the area for a training
including one Ginny who is actually a psychologist. Ginny and this guy Paul end up being the only two survivors. Ginny using her psychologist skills at the end of the movie puts on Pamela’s sweater on and tries to act like Jason’s mother. She ends up putting a machete into his left shoulder as the “death blow”. Which doesn’t even hold up in the movie, he later jumps through a window pulling Ginny outside. She most likely dies. I know what you’re going to say,
“DUDE, he was macheted with a machete!!!”
Dude, a shoulder wound is not a death sentence. Sure you could bleed out eventually and the impending infection will most likely take a toll but come on really? No one has died from a shoulder shot.
Part 3 came to us thankfully, it was 1982 Jason has a large cut that he must attend to, and he does so.
What’s special about Part 3 for just about every Jason fan is the introduction of the Hockey Mask. After getting some new threads (from a hillbillies clothes line) Jason goes ahead now displaced from his camp is trying to gain his bearings and basically go home. However there are People that need his attention and expertise on the way. After his first kill of Part 3 Jason finds his new mask, a Detroit Red Wings goalie mask.
So again group of early 20’s late teens are planning on drinking somewhere In the area of Crystal Lake. Jason kills a whole bunch of them using a variety of methods and at one point is hung from the top of the barn.
You: “Dude there is no way u can rationalize surviving a hanging. Come on Tom you did pretty good with last 2 movies, but come on”.
Me: Of course I can, this is my blog. So when you hang somebody (not that I have.) they die from one of 2 ways to die from hanging. 1. Asphyxiation or suffocation. 2. Internal decapitation or a snap neck. So to achieve a snapped neck you would have to have a heavy enough snap in the rope. See where those two go hand in hand, I knew you were following. So go back and watch the movie, I’ll Waite for you. Done? Excellent, did you see it, that rope couldn’t have snapped any softer if you were trying to hang a Care bear. So that would leave asphyxiation. That takes time, much more time than it took for Jason to recollect himself and demonstrate the upper body strength needed to free himself.
“Ok Tom you explained that pretty well, still unlikely but ok. So what about the FREAKING AXE, TO THE HEAD!! How can you explain that one?”
Well hold on hold on I’m getting to the axe in the head. By the way I know that these scenarios are unlikely, that’s why it has only happened in a movie. Moving on so a few minutes later, yes Jason receives his first true death blow, done. Jason is dead can’t be explained. He’s dead it’s over Series has seen its completion. Or has it? Wipe that smile off your face and follow me for a second. Jason has a sever disfigurement, but wait a second where is that again?….. Oh right in his head. What happens to organs in the area of deformities? In a lot of cases is they grow in a space that is most normal for them. Let’s take a peek at Jason’s head here. The left side where the axe penetrates is shorter than the right and the right side has a bulging effect to it. Mmmmmm I wonder why it’s bulging…. Oh right his brain needed a place to develop. In other words in the very unlikely of unlikely events, which is still possible by the smallest of percents the axe does not penetrate the brain and BAM! Jason gets away with another one. All thanks to that huge birth defect. I mean honestly if the girl swinging the axe was a lefty, game over.
So that brings us to the start of the Tommy Jarvis series. Part 4 The Final Chapter. After regaining consciousness and Jason laughing to himself with how bad people are at killing him. Jason goes home. But on one side of his lake of course we have vacationers. Jason having a splitting head ache at this point (pun intended) isn’t in the mood for anyone’s crap so he’s going to end the vacation early. After eliminating the majority of the people in the area. Jason is left with 3 survivors.
Corey Feldman, I mean Tommy Jarvis is approx 10-12 years old at the end of the movie he poses himself as Jason when, he was a boy, and is able to distract Jason long enough to be able to bury a machete into Jason’s head, more than half way through. Game over, see ya later folks no way in hell we can come back with another one. It was a true death shot delivered. Jason Voorhees has officially been killed.
Naturally Part 5 comes into play. Started off with a Tommy Jarvis in his 20’s living in a group home, not far from….. You guessed it Crystal Lake. So there was one guy we can just call him oh I don’t know D-bag Vic and he’s chopping wood. There was Joey Burns who wasn’t all right in the head. Kind of an adorable klutz that you try not to get mad at. Any way Joey asked D-bag Vic if he could help him with chopping wood. Since D-bag Vic has a bit of an anger problem and is well… a D-bag, he gets all pissy. After being a D-bag to Joey, Joey still offers him a chocolate bar. (Seriously after D-bag Vic treats him like a D-bag? I know right?) So Vic does the D-bag thing and chops it in half. Joey Tells D-bag how much he sucks and then D-Bag axes Joey in the back. Of course we have a murder, a single murder, and people alive to call 911. So they do that. Paramedics arrive on scene and Roy Burns discovers this poor murder kid is actually his son who he hadn’t seen since birth. Roy decides to exact his revenge on the entire group home the most perfect way he can think of, impersonating a serial killer that is already dead and buried, Jason Voorhees. In this movie you’ll notice a distinct difference in the Mask; it actually has blue dashes over the cheeks instead of the red and no dash over the forehead. So he goes on killing the people at this group and at the end, Tommy Jarvis Kills “Jason” again this time by impalement. It’s Roy not Jason, easy kill, Tommy Jarvis loses a little bit of credit and now the series is over.
Come back tomorrow where we talk about the rest of the series.
Reader, “Wait didn’t you just say it was over?”
R.I.P Richard Brooker, November 20, 1954- April 8, 2013 Jason Voorhees- Friday the 13TH Part III
R.I.P Betsy Palmer, November 1, 1926-May29, 2015 Pamela Voorhees- Friday the 13th