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Trailer Snark (September 4th Theatrical Trailers)

Welcome to Trailer Snark, a weekly column covering trailers for movies that will be released this week with thoughts from our roster of bloggers (Jessica from The Female Perspective, Ken from The Crank File, Jim from The Front Row View, Rob from Spector for Hire, and Great Stories founder Chris).  Thanks for reading, and enjoy the previews!

Last Week: Straight Outta Compton ruled the box office for a third week in a row, collecting another $13.2 million for a total of $134 million domestic.  And shockingly enough, its closest competition was the debuting religious movie War Room (from the makers of Fireproof), which took in $11 million for second place.  Zac Efron’s We Are Your Friends bombed with only $1.8 million on 2300 screen nationwide, leaving the aforementioned War Room as the highest debut (No Escape was technically released early on Wednesday came in fourth as mentioned later).  Mission Impossible: Rogue Nation also continued to pile heaping of cash on its haul in third with $8 million bring its total domestic to $170 million.  No Escape, starring Owen Wilson, scored nearly the same for a fourth place finish, and has $10 million in total domestic receipts.  Sinister 2, The Man from U.N.C.L.E., Hitman: Agent 47, The Gift, Jurassic World, and Ant-Man rounded out the rest of the list in that order.  With four new films on the docket for this weekend, let’s check out the trailers.

Before We Go (RADiUS-TWC) – Comedy/Drama/Romance
Rated PG-13 for brief strong language and some suggestive content.
Tag Line: One night can change your whole life
Starring: Chris Evans and Alice Eve
Plot: Two strangers stuck in Manhattan for the night grow into each other’s most trusted confidants when an evening of unexpected adventure forces them to confront their fears and take control of their lives.
Running Time: 89 minutes

Chris: I’ll hand it to them….at least it does not look like a paint by numbers romance flick.  Still won’t get me to go see it.
Ken: The movie looks sappy but the track playing in the background is just too good. It’s called England, by the National. Look it up and thank me later.
Rob:  Captain America in a romantic comedy.  Nothing to see here.  Move along.
Jessica: Blah. Boo. Boring. I understand that the Capt is trying something different but this is heavily trodden ground and I could not possibly be LESS interested in watching this pile of sappy nonsense.

A Walk in the Woods (Broad Green Pictures) – Adventure/Drama/Comedy
Rated R for language and some sexual references
Tag Line: This Labor Day, Take a Hike.
Starring: Robert Redford and Nick Nolte
Plot: After spending two decades in England, Bill Bryson returns to the U.S., where he decides the best way to connect with his homeland is to hike the Appalachian Trail with one of his oldest friends.
Running Time: 104 minutes

Ken: At a certain age you’re supposed to quit acting a fool. But fools have the best stories, don’t they? This sounds like a fun one.
Rob: Hiking the AT is an amazing and physically demanding adventure.  I actually have a friend doing so right now.  Not sure Nolte would be up to the task.  At least there would be some amazing scenery in this flick.  Might check it out on demand down the road.
Jessica: Redford and Nolte, hmmm …
Chris: As we move towards our own change of seasons, two guys in the autumn of their lives seek some adventure on the Appalachian trail.  Good times.

The Transporter Refueled (EuropaCorp USA) – Action
Rated PG-13 for sequences of violence and action, sexual material, some language, a drug reference and thematic elements
Tag Line: None
Starring: Ed Skrein, Ray Stevenson, and Loan Chabanol
Plot: In the south of France, former special-ops mercenary Frank Martin enters into a game of chess with a femme-fatale and her three sidekicks who are looking for revenge against a sinister Russian kingpin.
Running Time: 96 minutes

Rob:  A series that is so uninteresting to me that I didn’t even know this was the fourth film.  Generic looking action flick IMO.
Jessica: Never saw the other films but I can say that this trailer actually bored me and I’m usually all up for a good action flick, this does not look like that flick.
Chris: The action series gets a reboot with Ed Skrein replacing Jason Statham.  Meh…..
Ken: Why does the bad guy always feel compelled to give the hero 12 hours to find his loved ones before killing them? What is the motivation there?

Dragon Blade (Lionsgate) – Action/Drama
Rated R for bloody violence
Tag Line: None
Starring: Jackie Chan, John Cusack, and Adrien Brody
Plot: When corrupt Roman leader Tiberius arrives with a giant army to claim the Silk Road, Huo An teams up his army with an elite Legion of defected Roman soldiers led by General Lucius to protect his country and his new friends.
Running Time: 127 minutes

Ken: I love kung-fu flicks, but a few things in this trailer that rub me wrong: John Cusak in an action role, Adrien Brody in an action role, Jackie Chan in a serious role, everyone in Asia speaking English.
Chris: John Cusack is so miscast here, it isn’t funny.   And that one detail kills it for me.
Jessica: John Cusack, really? I can’t. Oh dear lord I just can’t. The trailer was terrible, I can only hope the movie is better than that with someone like Adrien Brody in it but yeah … Not so much. I just can’t stop laughing at the idea of Cusack as a solider here. Yeah, all sorts of no.
Rob: Looks like mediocrity on screen is the soup of the week again.

Tickets Purchased:  Two for A Walk in the Woods (Ken and Chris), while Rob and Jessica stay home admiring their massive collections of books and comics.

trail-through-the-woods-short-cut-dr-heckle-funny-wtf-memes
Inspired by this week’s Walk in the Woods film release, Ken and Chris wisely choose their own hiking trail for some Labor Day adventure!
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Trailer Snark (July 24th Theatrical Releases)

Welcome to Trailer Snark, a weekly column covering trailers for movies that will be released this week with thoughts from our roster of bloggers (Jessica from The Female Perspective, Ken from The Crank File, Jim from The Front Row View, Rob from Spector for Hire, and Great Stories founder Chris).  Thanks for reading, and enjoy the previews!

Last Week: (Chris Comments) Something tells me that Rob may have missed the mark on his Ant-Man analysis last week….oh yeah,that something was my eyes, ears, heart, and the fist that went flying in the air in triumph after watching Marvel’s latest on the big screen this past weekend.  And it appears that Jessica, Ken, and I were not alone at its opening weekend as Ant-Man claimed first place with a $58 million haul.  Now, that may not seem so much considering the openings of most of Marvel’s films of late, but it could be great word of mouth that prevents a big second week drop-off.  Here is to hoping that some of those Pym Particles can boost up the box office returns Ant-Man so richly deserves.  Coming in at number two was Minions (my wife’s pick to be number one again this week) with another $50 million ($217 million overall),  Amy Schumer’s Trainwreck premiered in third place with $30 million.  A huge drop off in box office receipts after that with Inside Out and Jurassic World battling it out with just over $11 million a piece (Inside Out cracked $300 million and Jurassic World went over an astounding $600 million overall).  Terminator: Genisys, Magic Mike XXL, The Gallows, and Ted 2 were all next with the tenth spot occupied by the debut of Mr. Holmes.

Pixels (Columbia Pictures) – Comedy/Action/Sci-Fi
Rated PG-13 for some language and suggestive comments
Tag Line: Game On.
Starring: Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Peter Dinklage, Dan Akroyd, Michelle Monghan, Sean Bean, and more
Plot: When aliens misinterpret video feeds of classic arcade games as a declaration of war, they attack the Earth in the form of the video games.
Running Time: 105 minutes

Rob: Mindless fun based on the video games of our 8-bit youth.  Yeah, you heard me right you young whipersnappers only 8-bit!
Chris: Adam Sandler has been due for a hit…actually, he is due for a decent movie.  Pixels is certainly tapping into nostalgia for the forty-something crowd which could be a magnet to those parents who hope to make a connection with their video-game culture kids.
Ken: Rated M for middle aged. I don’t think the nostalgia factor will be enough to drive a thin premise for almost 2 hours and I’m afraid that the retro arcade references will be lost on younger audiences.  I love the spirit of this movie but I have a sneaking suspicion that it’s gonna suck.
Jessica: Actually this one surprised me, I might actually see this though Adam Sandler and Kevin James don’t fill me with confidence the story seems funny/interesting and it might actually be good. Or it could suck big time, hard to tell.

Southpaw (The Weinstein Company) – Drama/Action/Sports
Rated R for language throughout, and some violence
Tag Line: Believe in Hope.
Starring: Jake Gyllenhaal, Rachel McAdams, Forest Whitaker, and Curtis Jackson
Plot: Boxer Billy Hope turns to trainer Tick Willis to help him get his life back on track after losing his wife in a tragic accident and his daughter to child protection services.
Running Time: 123 minutes

Jessica: So all over this one! I’m a fan of Gyllenhaal and I love a good boxing/redemption story.
Ken: This is essentially a vehicle for Eminem to promote himself. That’s his name on the title track, his boy Fitty acting in it, and his life story being told, except he’s a boxer in the movie. Metaphors like metafives.
Chris: It’s Jacked Gyllenhaal vs the System as a parent coping with family tragedy, dangerous career, and questionable life choices.  After his total creep turn in Nightcrawler, I find myself interested in Jake’s movie roles.
Rob: Looks promising if it can focus more on the main character’s  ambitions as a father instead of those of a boxer.

The Vatican Tapes (Lionsgate) – Horror
Rated PG-13 for disturbing violent content, and some sexual references
Tag Line: For 2,000 years the Vatican has recorded evidence of evil. May God have mercy on their souls.
Starring: Michael Pena, Kathleen Robinson, Dougray Scott, Djimon Housou, and Olivia Taylor Dudley
Plot: A priest and two Vatican exorcists must do battle with an ancient satanic force to save the soul of a young woman.
Running Time: 91 minutes

Chris: After seeing Michael Pena in his goofy role in Ant-Man, this is quite the departure as he plays a priest who may be trying to exorcise the Anti-Christ.  The last image in the trailer recalls the ever so skincrawling Prince of Darkness from the great John Carpenter.
Rob: Horror.  Religion.  Couldn’t be less interested.
Jessica: At first I was very “meh” about this one but there are some good actors in this film and it COULD be an interesting take on the whole exorcism thing. Doesn’t look scary at all but more intriguing. I wouldn’t see in a theater but I’d watch it on Amazon or Netflix for sure.
Ken: Religious horror fascinates me because demonic possessions are recorded events. These things actually happen. This movie however looks fake beyond belief. Not a good sign when the trailer doesn’t scare you.

Paper Towns (20th Century Fox) – Drama/Mystery
Rated PG-13 for some language, drinking, sexuality and partial nudity – all involving teens
Tag Line: Get Lost. Get Found.
Starring: Cara Delevingne and Nat Wolff
Plot: A young man and his friends embark upon the road trip of their lives to find the missing girl next door.
Running Time: 109 minutes

Ken: Romantic optimism battles the rebellious, cynicism of youth. Being young was awful, so many conflicting feelings to process. I’m so glad I grew out of it. But I like to remember it fondly.
Jessica: BORING. BORING. BORING. The trailer bores me, I actually have seen it a couple times now before movies and I’m all sorts of set. Teen drama, blah blah blah. I think I’d rather watch anything other than this. Oh wait, I still have to talk about Smoosh. Hold please.
Chris: It’s a coming of age film filled with mystery and possibilities for, especially for a young man who just wanted to be noticed by the girl of his dreams.  Looks like a winner.
Rob: Jogn Green can write and this looks like a fun ride complete with mystery and a search for greater purpose.

Smosh: The Movie (Lionsgate) – Comedy
Rated PG-13 for crude and sexual humor, language, some drug content and violence
Tag Line: Based on the YouTube channel “Smosh” launched by Ian Andrew Hecox and Anthony Padilla in 2005.
Starring: Ian Andrew Hecox and Anthony Padilla
Plot: An embarrassing video of Anthony surfaces online right before his fifth high school reunion. The Smosh dudes then race to pull down the clip before it blows Anthony’s chances of reconnecting with his teen crush Anna.
Running Time: 84 minutes

Jessica: Smosh or Smoosh or whatever it is: NO THANK YOU. I’d rather watch Paper Towns. On repeat, for days.
Chris: Weak….just weak.
Rob: It’s like Bill & Ted took a portal into Youtube only 10,000 times more poorly executed.  Just no.
Ken: I’m probably dating myself horribly when I say this, but I don’t know what a Smosh is or what is going on with this movie. 

American Heist (Lionsgate) – Action/Crime/Drama
Rated R for strong violence, pervasive language, some sexual material and brief drug use
Tag Line: N/A
Starring: Adrien Brody, Hayden Christensen, Jordana Brewster, and Akon
Plot: James owes his life to his older brother, Frankie after taking the rap for a crime they committed together. While Frankie served time, James worked to turn his life around, got a steady job and began courting his former girlfriend Emily. Now, Frankie is released and back on the streets with no money and no place to go.
Running Time: 94 minutes

Rob: Thought it might be decent, then I heard Hayden Christensen use a whiny tone of voice.  I’m out.
Ken: The word cliché gets thrown around a lot in this forum.  
Chris: Lionsgate with three movies in one week?  In spite of Hayden Christensen, this movie looks like a good time at the theater.  Adrian Brody is on board, speaking of actors who truly need a successful movie, as he plays a seriously troubled young man who owes favors to all the wrong people.
Jessica: Eh. I like Adrian Brody but this story has been done to death and seriously, Jordana Brewster, stop doing car/heist movies! Yeesh.

Unexpected (The Film Arcade) – Drama
Rated R for language
Tag Line: No one is ever really prepared.
Starring: Cobie Smulders and Gail Bean
Plot: An inner-city high school teacher discovers she is pregnant at the same time as one of her most promising students and the two develop an unlikely friendship while struggling to navigate their unexpected pregnancies.
Running Time: 90 minutes

Ken: The working title for this film was Stand and Delivering Babies.
Rob: A teacher and one of her students both become unexpectedly pregnant and explore the consequences of their choices.  Something maybe they should have thought about first…maybe the film will help some folks do just that.
Chris: Cobie Smothers plays a teacher who finds herself striking a special relationship with one of her students as they both become pregnant.  It looks like a big screen Lifetime movie…..yawn.

Tickets Purchased:  2 for Paper Towns (Ken and Chris) and 2 for Southpaw (Rob and Jessica)

Remember when Jake couldn't punch his way out of a plastic bag?
Remember when Jake couldn’t punch his way out of a plastic bag?
I Ain't No Bubble Boy No More!
I Ain’t No Bubble Boy No More!

What will you be watching this week?
-The Great Stories Team