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Trailer Snark (December 15, 2018 Theatrical Trailers)

Welcome to Trailer Snark, a weekly column covering trailers for movies that will be released this week with thoughts from our roster of bloggers (Jessica from The Female Perspective, Ken from The Crank File, Jim from The Front Row View, Eric from View from Above, Robert from Cards and Counters, Wayne from The Dope Sheet, and Great Stories founder Chris).  Thanks for reading, and enjoy the previews!

Star Wars Episode VIII: The Last Jedi (Disney) – Action/Advernture/Sci-Fi
Rated PG-13 for sequences of sci-fi action and violence.
Tag Line: None
Starring: Daisy Ridley, John Boyega, Oscar Isaac, Adam Driver
Plot: Rey develops her newly discovered abilities with the guidance of Luke Skywalker, who is unsettled by the strength of her powers. Meanwhile, the Resistance prepares to do battle with the First Order.
Running Time: 152 minutes

Rob F: It’s finally here!!! We’re going to get some answers about Luke, Rey, and Snoke! We’re going to build on the greatest entertainment franchise in the history of mankind. This is way better than Christmas! Fan event tickets for Thursday’s first showing are locked and loaded on IMAX. May the Force be with you…
Chris: The reinvigorated franchise is back with the middle frame of its latest trilogy, and throngs of Star Wars faithful will never be the same.  Every movie is an event in and of itself.  Let the debate begin on the result.

Ferdinand (20th Century Fox Animation) – Animation/Adventure/Comedy
Rated PG for rude humor, action and some thematic elements
Tag Line: This Christmas, BULL-ieve.
Starring: John Cena, Kate McKinnon, Bobby Canavale
Plot: After Ferdinand, a bull with a big heart, is mistaken for a dangerous beast, he is captured and torn from his home. Determined to return to his family, he rallies a misfit team on the ultimate adventure.
Running Time: 106 minutes

Chris: With this week’s purchase of Fox’s film rights, don’t we technically consider this one a Disney Film?  Is there a princess in it anywhere?  Is John Cena the princess?  Will John Cena now visit my house to bodyslam me through my coffee table?  News at 11.
Rob F: Looks mediocre, but will probably end up watching it as a rental with my youngest down the road.  

Permanent (Magnolia) – Comedy
Rated PG-13 for crude sexual references, language and thematic elements
Tag Line: Hairstyles are temporary. Families are forever.
Starring: Patricia Arquette, Rainn Wilson, Kira McLean
Plot: Permanent is a comedy about bad hair, adolescence, and socially awkward family members. It involves life-altering permanents and poorly-made toupees. Obstacles to daily survival ensue.
Running Time: 93 minutes

Rob F: Hard pass. If this were a magazine I would not be a subscriber.
Chris: I wouldn’t buy a ticket with Rob’s wallet.

Beyond Skyline (Vertical Entertainment) – Action/Adventure/Horror
Rated R for sequences of bloody sci-fi violence, and language throughout.
Tag Line: None
Starring: Frank Grillo, Bojana Novakovic, Iko Uwais
Plot: A tough-as-nails detective embarks on a relentless pursuit to free his son from a nightmarish alien warship.
Running Time: 105 minutes

Chris:  I hadn’t even heard of this one before seeing the news of its release this week.  But it looks to me like a fun little theater outing.  Frank Grillo is bad*ss.
Rob F: I would probably enjoy renting this. It’s got no chance at the box office though.

Tickets Purchased:  Two for Star Wars….like it was a contest.

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Trailer Snark (December 18, 2015 Theatrical Trailers)

Welcome to Trailer Snark, a weekly column covering trailers for movies that will be released this week with thoughts from our roster of bloggers (Jessica from The Female Perspective, Ken from The Crank File, Jim from The Front Row View, Rob from Spector for Hire, and Great Stories founder Chris).  Thanks for reading, and enjoy the previews!

Last Week: I am not sure anyone really cares that the Hunger Games won last week’s box office.  I mean, a solid month in the top spot is an impressive feat, but Mockingjay Part Two will undoubtedly be overshadowed and their achievements long forgotten as the new JJ Abrams led Star Wars franchise lifts off this week.  In fact, I think advance tickets sales we almost half of the latest Hunger Games’ $244 domestic overall haul.  It’s hard to imagine The Force Awakens not surpassing $250M domestic before we ring in the New Year.  I confess that I am disappointed that Ron Howard’s latest movie, In the Heart of the Sea could only muster an $11M opening in second place this past week as a debut.  The rest of the list remains much the same as previous week’s, and overall box office sales were weak.  I guess all of that cash went to the Star Wars advanced sales.  So, let’s now waste any more time and move on to this week’s pictures…….as if you have not seen this first trailer…..

Star Wars Episode VII:  The Force Awakens (Disney) – Sci-Fi/Action
Rated PG-13 for sci-fi action violence
Tag Line:  Coming to your galaxy this winter.
Starring: Daisy Ridley, John Boyega, Harrison Ford, Carrie Fischer, Mark Hamill
Plot: Three decades after the defeat of the Galactic Empire, a new threat arises. The First Order attempts to rule the galaxy and only a rag-tag group of heroes can stop them, along with the help of the Resistance.
Running Time: 135 minutes

Chris: I mean, really.  Is anyone not seeing this film?  JJ Abrams rescues another sci-fi franchise.  Pure gold.
Jessica: All my eyes can see is STAR FREAKIN WARS!!!!!!! Cannot wait to check this out.
Rob: Peace is a lie, there is only passion. Through passion, I gain strength. Through strength, I gain power. Through power, I gain victory. Through victory, my chains are broken. The Force shall free me.FINALLY!  IT’S HERE!!!!  I will watch no other trailer.  I will see this film multiple times.  I can’t FREAKING wait!!!
Jim: Gee, never heard of it. Their Marketing department must be asleep.
Ken: ???

Alvin & the Chipmunks:  The Road Chip (Fox 2000) – Family
Rated PG for some mild rude humor
Tag Line:  Fast and Furry-ous
Starring:  Jason Lee, Kaley Cuoco, Bella Thorn, Anna Faris, Justin Long, and Christina Applegate
Plot: Through a series of misunderstandings, Alvin, Simon and Theodore come to believe that Dave is going to propose to his new girlfriend in Miami…and dump them. They have three days to get to him and stop the proposal, saving themselves not only from losing Dave but possibly from gaining a terrible stepbrother.
Running Time: 116 minutes

Jessica: Chipmunks must die.
Jim: I watch the trailer while shaking my head and thinking “Pure Evil.” I am truly happy that my daughter has never shown the slightest interest in seeing one of these movies.
Ken: Suuuuper cuuute. And formulaic.
Chris: Never liked them (even as a kid).  I haven’t seen the other two live action movies, and this one won’t break that streak.

Sisters (Universal) – Comedy
Rated R for crude sexual content and language throughout, and for drug use
Tag Line: Big sisters don’t always know best.
Starring:  Tina Fey, Amy Poehler
Plot: Two sisters decide to throw one last house party before their parents sell their family home.
Running Time: 118 minutes

Jim: I like Amy and Tina, but this just looks desperate.
Ken: I love Poehler and Fey.  One of the great comedy duos of all time, right up there with Spade and Farley.  Trailer was kinda meh, story seems derivative, but I’ll give it a watch sometime.
Chris: Tina Fey and Amy Poehler are not my favorite comedic actors, but the trailer did have me laughing at some very awkward scenes.  I’ll definitely catch it on the small screen.
Jessica: I’m sure it’s funny, those ladies are hilarious but that’s an at home view for sure.

Extraction (Lionsgate) – Thriller
Rated R for violence, language throughout and brief sexual content/nudity
Tag Line: Vengeance runs in the family.
Starring: Bruce Willis, Kellan Lutz, Gina Carano
Plot: A former CIA operative is kidnapped by a group of terrorists. When his son learns there is no plan for his father to be saved, he launches his own rescue operation.
Running Time: 113 minutes

Jessica: I do like a mindless action flick but I don’t know about this one…probably will catch it years from now for free on TV.
Ken: It’s good to see that Bruce Willis is still getting movie roles playing Bruce Willis.
Jim: I like Bruce Willis, but I’ve seen this movie too many times before. Might be worth a rental for Gina Carano (I liked Haywire).
Chris: I thought Bruce Willis said two or three years ago he was done making mindless action films.  His star is fading for sure, so he is probably happy he didn’t go direct to DVD/Streaming with this release.

Tickets Purchased:  Five tickets for….do I even have to say it?

Will Han Solo live to tell the tale?  Millions of Facebookers forbid you to disclose this information!
Will Han Solo live to tell the tale? Millions of Facebookers forbid you to disclose this information!