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Trailer Snark (October 21, 2016 Theatrical Trailers)

Welcome to Trailer Snark, a weekly column covering trailers for movies that will be released this week with thoughts from our roster of bloggers (Jessica from The Female Perspective, Ken from The Crank File, Jim from The Front Row View, Rob from Spector for Hire, and Great Stories founder Chris).  Thanks for reading, and enjoy the previews!

Jack Reacher: Never Go Back (Paramount) – Action/Adventure
Rated PG-13 for sequences of violence and action, some bloody images, language and thematic elements
Tag Line: Never give in, Never give up, Never go back
Starring: Tom Cruise, Cobie Smulders
Plot: Jack Reacher must uncover the truth behind a major government conspiracy in order to clear his name. On the run as a fugitive from the law, Reacher uncovers a potential secret from his past that could change his life forever.
Running Time: 118 minutes

Jessica: I saw the first one they did and really enjoyed it. I’ve also read a bunch of the Jack Reacher books, including this one, and love the stories. I think even though Cruise looks NOTHING like how Jack Reacher is described in the books, he did a fantastic job and I’m excited for this one.
Chris:  Feeling some Rick Astley love in that tag line.  This movie never gonna give you up.  Never gonna let you down.  Never gonna run around and hurt you.  Yeah!

Ouija: Origin of Evil (Universal) – Horror/Thriller
Rated PG-13 for disturbing images, terror and thematic elements
Tag Line: No telling what you’ll see.
Starring: Elizabeth Reaser, Lulu Wilson
Plot: In 1965 Los Angeles, a widowed mother and her two daughters add a new stunt to bolster their seance scam business and unwittingly invite authentic evil into their home. When the youngest daughter is overtaken by a merciless spirit, the family confronts unthinkable fears to save her and send her possessor back to the other side.
Running Time: 99 minutes

Chris: While I like the throwback sixties vibe, this looks like your standard run of the mill horror outing.  Better saved for a Netflix stream.
Jessica: Pass. When the trailer makes it seem cheesy and lame, that usually means the movie is going to be cheesy and lame. Plus, haven’t there been like twelve BILLION Ouija board movies already? Enough already! Next thing you know there will be a zombie vampire movie about using Ouija boards that turn into magical turnips or something.

Keeping Up with the Joneses (Fox) – Comedy
Rated PG-13 for sexual content, action/violence and brief strong language
Tag Line: Meet the Joneses.
Starring: Zach Galafianakis, Isla Fisher, Gal Gadot
Plot: A suburban couple becomes embroiled in an international espionage plot when they discover that their seemingly perfect new neighbors are government spies.
Running Time: 105 minutes

Jessica: When I saw Gal Gadot and Hamm and Zack and Isla I was partially sold. When he yelled into his tie microphone I laughed out loud. This looks like a fun, stupidly funny action comedy. love it.
Chris: I am with Jess on this one.  Laughter is good medicine in times such as these.  Bring on the silliness!

Boo! A Madea Halloween (Lionsgate) – Comedy/Horror
Rated PG-13 for drug use and references, suggestive content, language, some horror images and thematic material
Tag Line: Witch, please.
Starring: Tyler Perry, Cassi Davis
Plot: Madea winds up in the middle of mayhem when she spends a haunted Halloween fending off killers, paranormal poltergeists, ghosts, ghouls and zombies while keeping a watchful eye on a group of misbehaving teens.
Running Time: 103 minutes

Chris: While I was mildly amused by the trailer, I am not sure if this will be the film to break my streak of not watching Tyler Perry movies.
Jessica: You can’t PAY me to even WATCH this BS trailer. P A S S.

American Pastoral (Lionsgate) – Crime/Drama
Rated R for some strong sexual material, language and brief violent images
Tag Line: A radically ordinary story.
Starring: Ewan MacGregor, Jennifer Connelly
Plot: In 1968, a hardworking man, who’s been a staple in his quaint community for years, watches his seemingly perfect middle class life fall apart as his daughter’s new radical political affiliation threatens to destroy their family.
Running Time: 126 minutes

Jessica: I have no idea what this is about but I am intrigued.
Chris:  Probably the shortest Trailer Snark trailer we have had.  That said, directorial debut of Ewan MacGregor.  It will be worth seeing if he is every bit the director as he is the actor.  Count me in!

31 (Saban Films) – Horror/Thriller
Rated R for strong bloody horror violence, pervasive language, sexual content and drug use
Tag Line: Welcome to Hell
Starring: Malcolm McDowell, Meg Foster, Richard Brake
Plot: Five carnival workers are kidnapped and held hostage in an abandoned, Hell-like compound where they are forced to participate in a violent game, the goal of which is to survive twelve hours against a gang of sadistic clowns.
Running Time: 102 minutes

Chris:  I was not a fan of Zombie’s last film, Lords of Salem.  I wonder if he can rebound with this one?  The subject matter is certainly timely with America’s clown problem.
Jessica: I’ll watch anything Zombie makes so I’m in on this one!

I’m Not Ashamed (Pure-flix) – Biography/Drama
Rated PG-13 for thematic material, teen drinking and smoking, disturbing violent content and some suggestive situations
Tag Line: Her faith would touch the world.
Starring: Masey McLain, Ben Davies
Plot: Based on the inspiring and powerful true story and journal entries of Rachel Joy Scott- the first student killed in the Columbine high school shooting in 1999.
Running Time: 112 minutes

Jessica: I honestly don’t know that I am ready for any film dealing with school shootings, especially in the current climate we’re in, but I give them credit for focusing on one of the slain, rather than the killers.
Chris: Tears welled up with this trailer.  I will definitely be seeing this one.

Moonlight (A24) – Drama
Rated R for some sexuality, drug use, brief violence, and language throughout
Tag Line:  This is the story of a lifetime.
Starring: Mahershala Ali, Shariff Earp
Plot: A timeless story of human connection and self-discovery, Moonlight chronicles the life of a young black man from childhood to adulthood as he struggles to find his place in the world while growing up in a rough neighborhood of Miami.
Running Time: 110 minutes
Chris:  Personal journey movie fraught with tragedy.  Will be a good small screen viewer, I think.
Jessica: Another one where the trailer tells us very little, but the little it tells me is that it’s dealing with a man trying to find himself in a culture that does not fully accept who he is. Looks powerful.

Tickets Purchased: Two for Keeping Up with the Joneses

You'd never know that beneath the smiles lay a desperate pit of envy and distrust...but all for our utter amusement.
You’d never know that beneath the smiles lay a desperate pit of envy and distrust…but all for our utter amusement.
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Trailer Snark (July 24th Theatrical Releases)

Welcome to Trailer Snark, a weekly column covering trailers for movies that will be released this week with thoughts from our roster of bloggers (Jessica from The Female Perspective, Ken from The Crank File, Jim from The Front Row View, Rob from Spector for Hire, and Great Stories founder Chris).  Thanks for reading, and enjoy the previews!

Last Week: (Chris Comments) Something tells me that Rob may have missed the mark on his Ant-Man analysis last week….oh yeah,that something was my eyes, ears, heart, and the fist that went flying in the air in triumph after watching Marvel’s latest on the big screen this past weekend.  And it appears that Jessica, Ken, and I were not alone at its opening weekend as Ant-Man claimed first place with a $58 million haul.  Now, that may not seem so much considering the openings of most of Marvel’s films of late, but it could be great word of mouth that prevents a big second week drop-off.  Here is to hoping that some of those Pym Particles can boost up the box office returns Ant-Man so richly deserves.  Coming in at number two was Minions (my wife’s pick to be number one again this week) with another $50 million ($217 million overall),  Amy Schumer’s Trainwreck premiered in third place with $30 million.  A huge drop off in box office receipts after that with Inside Out and Jurassic World battling it out with just over $11 million a piece (Inside Out cracked $300 million and Jurassic World went over an astounding $600 million overall).  Terminator: Genisys, Magic Mike XXL, The Gallows, and Ted 2 were all next with the tenth spot occupied by the debut of Mr. Holmes.

Pixels (Columbia Pictures) – Comedy/Action/Sci-Fi
Rated PG-13 for some language and suggestive comments
Tag Line: Game On.
Starring: Adam Sandler, Kevin James, Peter Dinklage, Dan Akroyd, Michelle Monghan, Sean Bean, and more
Plot: When aliens misinterpret video feeds of classic arcade games as a declaration of war, they attack the Earth in the form of the video games.
Running Time: 105 minutes

Rob: Mindless fun based on the video games of our 8-bit youth.  Yeah, you heard me right you young whipersnappers only 8-bit!
Chris: Adam Sandler has been due for a hit…actually, he is due for a decent movie.  Pixels is certainly tapping into nostalgia for the forty-something crowd which could be a magnet to those parents who hope to make a connection with their video-game culture kids.
Ken: Rated M for middle aged. I don’t think the nostalgia factor will be enough to drive a thin premise for almost 2 hours and I’m afraid that the retro arcade references will be lost on younger audiences.  I love the spirit of this movie but I have a sneaking suspicion that it’s gonna suck.
Jessica: Actually this one surprised me, I might actually see this though Adam Sandler and Kevin James don’t fill me with confidence the story seems funny/interesting and it might actually be good. Or it could suck big time, hard to tell.

Southpaw (The Weinstein Company) – Drama/Action/Sports
Rated R for language throughout, and some violence
Tag Line: Believe in Hope.
Starring: Jake Gyllenhaal, Rachel McAdams, Forest Whitaker, and Curtis Jackson
Plot: Boxer Billy Hope turns to trainer Tick Willis to help him get his life back on track after losing his wife in a tragic accident and his daughter to child protection services.
Running Time: 123 minutes

Jessica: So all over this one! I’m a fan of Gyllenhaal and I love a good boxing/redemption story.
Ken: This is essentially a vehicle for Eminem to promote himself. That’s his name on the title track, his boy Fitty acting in it, and his life story being told, except he’s a boxer in the movie. Metaphors like metafives.
Chris: It’s Jacked Gyllenhaal vs the System as a parent coping with family tragedy, dangerous career, and questionable life choices.  After his total creep turn in Nightcrawler, I find myself interested in Jake’s movie roles.
Rob: Looks promising if it can focus more on the main character’s  ambitions as a father instead of those of a boxer.

The Vatican Tapes (Lionsgate) – Horror
Rated PG-13 for disturbing violent content, and some sexual references
Tag Line: For 2,000 years the Vatican has recorded evidence of evil. May God have mercy on their souls.
Starring: Michael Pena, Kathleen Robinson, Dougray Scott, Djimon Housou, and Olivia Taylor Dudley
Plot: A priest and two Vatican exorcists must do battle with an ancient satanic force to save the soul of a young woman.
Running Time: 91 minutes

Chris: After seeing Michael Pena in his goofy role in Ant-Man, this is quite the departure as he plays a priest who may be trying to exorcise the Anti-Christ.  The last image in the trailer recalls the ever so skincrawling Prince of Darkness from the great John Carpenter.
Rob: Horror.  Religion.  Couldn’t be less interested.
Jessica: At first I was very “meh” about this one but there are some good actors in this film and it COULD be an interesting take on the whole exorcism thing. Doesn’t look scary at all but more intriguing. I wouldn’t see in a theater but I’d watch it on Amazon or Netflix for sure.
Ken: Religious horror fascinates me because demonic possessions are recorded events. These things actually happen. This movie however looks fake beyond belief. Not a good sign when the trailer doesn’t scare you.

Paper Towns (20th Century Fox) – Drama/Mystery
Rated PG-13 for some language, drinking, sexuality and partial nudity – all involving teens
Tag Line: Get Lost. Get Found.
Starring: Cara Delevingne and Nat Wolff
Plot: A young man and his friends embark upon the road trip of their lives to find the missing girl next door.
Running Time: 109 minutes

Ken: Romantic optimism battles the rebellious, cynicism of youth. Being young was awful, so many conflicting feelings to process. I’m so glad I grew out of it. But I like to remember it fondly.
Jessica: BORING. BORING. BORING. The trailer bores me, I actually have seen it a couple times now before movies and I’m all sorts of set. Teen drama, blah blah blah. I think I’d rather watch anything other than this. Oh wait, I still have to talk about Smoosh. Hold please.
Chris: It’s a coming of age film filled with mystery and possibilities for, especially for a young man who just wanted to be noticed by the girl of his dreams.  Looks like a winner.
Rob: Jogn Green can write and this looks like a fun ride complete with mystery and a search for greater purpose.

Smosh: The Movie (Lionsgate) – Comedy
Rated PG-13 for crude and sexual humor, language, some drug content and violence
Tag Line: Based on the YouTube channel “Smosh” launched by Ian Andrew Hecox and Anthony Padilla in 2005.
Starring: Ian Andrew Hecox and Anthony Padilla
Plot: An embarrassing video of Anthony surfaces online right before his fifth high school reunion. The Smosh dudes then race to pull down the clip before it blows Anthony’s chances of reconnecting with his teen crush Anna.
Running Time: 84 minutes

Jessica: Smosh or Smoosh or whatever it is: NO THANK YOU. I’d rather watch Paper Towns. On repeat, for days.
Chris: Weak….just weak.
Rob: It’s like Bill & Ted took a portal into Youtube only 10,000 times more poorly executed.  Just no.
Ken: I’m probably dating myself horribly when I say this, but I don’t know what a Smosh is or what is going on with this movie. 

American Heist (Lionsgate) – Action/Crime/Drama
Rated R for strong violence, pervasive language, some sexual material and brief drug use
Tag Line: N/A
Starring: Adrien Brody, Hayden Christensen, Jordana Brewster, and Akon
Plot: James owes his life to his older brother, Frankie after taking the rap for a crime they committed together. While Frankie served time, James worked to turn his life around, got a steady job and began courting his former girlfriend Emily. Now, Frankie is released and back on the streets with no money and no place to go.
Running Time: 94 minutes

Rob: Thought it might be decent, then I heard Hayden Christensen use a whiny tone of voice.  I’m out.
Ken: The word cliché gets thrown around a lot in this forum.  
Chris: Lionsgate with three movies in one week?  In spite of Hayden Christensen, this movie looks like a good time at the theater.  Adrian Brody is on board, speaking of actors who truly need a successful movie, as he plays a seriously troubled young man who owes favors to all the wrong people.
Jessica: Eh. I like Adrian Brody but this story has been done to death and seriously, Jordana Brewster, stop doing car/heist movies! Yeesh.

Unexpected (The Film Arcade) – Drama
Rated R for language
Tag Line: No one is ever really prepared.
Starring: Cobie Smulders and Gail Bean
Plot: An inner-city high school teacher discovers she is pregnant at the same time as one of her most promising students and the two develop an unlikely friendship while struggling to navigate their unexpected pregnancies.
Running Time: 90 minutes

Ken: The working title for this film was Stand and Delivering Babies.
Rob: A teacher and one of her students both become unexpectedly pregnant and explore the consequences of their choices.  Something maybe they should have thought about first…maybe the film will help some folks do just that.
Chris: Cobie Smothers plays a teacher who finds herself striking a special relationship with one of her students as they both become pregnant.  It looks like a big screen Lifetime movie…..yawn.

Tickets Purchased:  2 for Paper Towns (Ken and Chris) and 2 for Southpaw (Rob and Jessica)

Remember when Jake couldn't punch his way out of a plastic bag?
Remember when Jake couldn’t punch his way out of a plastic bag?
I Ain't No Bubble Boy No More!
I Ain’t No Bubble Boy No More!

What will you be watching this week?
-The Great Stories Team