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Trailer Snark (February 17, 2017 Theatrical Trailers)

Welcome to Trailer Snark, a weekly column covering trailers for movies that will be released this week with thoughts from our roster of bloggers (Jessica from The Female Perspective, Ken from The Crank File, Jim from The Front Row View, Rob from Spector for Hire, and Great Stories founder Chris).  Thanks for reading, and enjoy the previews!

The Great Wall (Universal) – Action/Adventure/Fantasy
Rated PG-13 for sequences of fantasy action violence
Tag Line: 1700 years to build. 5500 miles long. What were they trying to keep out?
Starring: Matt Damon, Tian Jing, Willem Dafoe
Plot: European mercenaries searching for black powder become embroiled in the defense of the Great Wall of China against a horde of monstrous creatures.
Running Time: 103 minutes

Jessica: I really, for the life of me, cannot get into this movie. When he says he’s fought by Gods and kings and has never seen this I lose my mind because REALLY??? You fought with GODS and you’ve never seen this??? Give me a break. It’s a big pass on this one.
Chris: Yeah, it may look good visually, but just can’t buy into it.  Matt Damon seems way too out of place.
Jim: Yeah, as great an actor as Matt Damon is, he’s too much of a modern one for this. Question—is anyone else annoyed when trailers refer to their movie’s director as “visionary”? Two instances this week.

Fist Fight (Warner Bros) – Comedy
Rated R for language throughout, sexual content/nudity and drug material
Tag Line: After school. Parking lot. It’s on.
Starring: Charlie Day, Ice Cube
Plot: When one school teacher gets the other fired, he is challenged to an after-school fight.
Running Time: 91 minutes

Jim: Cute idea, dumb trailer.
Jessica: I got bored a minute and a half in and turned it off. I like Charlie Day but this looks awful.
Chris: Maybe on a rainy night when nothing else is on.  I am with Jess and Jim.  The movie just looks dumb, and not in the good funny way.

A Cure for Wellness (Twentieth Century Fox) – Mystery/Thriller
Rated R for disturbing violent content and images, sexual content including an assault, graphic nudity, and language
Tag Line: None
Starring: Dane DeHaan, Jason Isaacs
Plot: An ambitious young executive is sent to retrieve his company’s CEO from an idyllic but mysterious “wellness center” at a remote location in the Swiss Alps but soon suspects that the spa’s miraculous treatments are not what they seem.
Running Time: 146 minutes

Chris: My skin was crawling watching the trailer, and have high hopes for this one.  Kind of had a Shutter Island feel in the trailer, which is a good thing.
Jim: Creepy, creepy, creepy, rental, rental, rental.
Jessica: Oh man this looks creepy, I hope it’s as creepy as it looks! I heard all sorts of great things about that movie “Witch” and was not impressed. Here’s hoping this is scary and gross and everything a horror movie should be!

Everybody Loves Somebody (Pantelion Films) – Comedy/Romance
Rated PG-13 for some sexual content and language
Tag Line: None
Starring: Karla Souza, Ben O’Toole
Plot: A successful and single career woman asks her co-worker to pose as her boyfriend at a family wedding back home in Mexico. Her situation gets complicated when her ex shows up at the ceremony.
Running Time: 102 minutes

Jessica: Both the title and the movie look so full of boring cliche’s that I might just choke on them. Pass.
Chris: Some writers are cashing in on the growing multilingual American culture.  I really am loathe to reading my movies, even if the whole film is not subtitled, and where I make exceptions, it is not for romantic comedies.
Jim: No cliche is left unturned here, but I’m definitely interested in taking part in the World Sock Sliding Championship.

In Dubious Battle (Momentum Pictures) – Drama
Rated R for some violence and brief sexuality
Tag Line: None
Starring: Nat Wolff, James Franco, Vincent D’Onofrio, Robert Duvall, Ed Harris, Selena Gomez
Plot: An activist gets caught up in the labor movement for farm workers in California during the 1930s.
Running Time: 110 minutes

Jim: Franco is overrated, but the trailer is good. Steinbeck has an admirable history as far as movie adaptations, so this could be worth seeing.
Jessica: Great cast, great story, totally into this, but probably at home.
Chris: Phenomenal cast and a solid trailer.  I’ll be striking out to see this one.  Pun very much intended.

Tickets Purchased:  Two for In Dubious Battle (Jim and Chris) and One for The Cure for Wellness (Jessica)

Where are you James Franco?  You are our only hope.
Where are you James Franco? You are our only hope.