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Trailer Snark (May 26, 2017 Theatrical Trailers)

Welcome to Trailer Snark, a weekly column covering trailers for movies that will be released this week with thoughts from our roster of bloggers (Jessica from The Female Perspective, Ken from The Crank File, Jim from The Front Row View, Eric from View from Above, Robert from Cards and Counters, Rob from Spector for Hire, and Great Stories founder Chris).  Thanks for reading, and enjoy the previews!

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales (Disney) – Adventure/Fantasy
Rated PG-13 for sequences of adventure violence, and some suggestive content
Tag Line: None
Starring: Johnny Depp, Geoffrey Rush, Javier Bardem
Plot: Captain Jack Sparrow searches for the trident of Poseidon.
Running Time: 129 minutes

Chris: I’m ready to dust off that bottle of rum and raise that jolly roger.  Jack Sparrow is back!
Robert: Really….. Another One?….. I say that as I look at show times for this weekend.
Jim: I know, another one—but my daughter loves them, I like them, and I love movies that I can enjoy with my daughter.

Baywatch (Paramount) – Action/Comedy/Drama
Rated R for language throughout, crude sexual content, and graphic nudity
Tag Line: Go ahead and stare.
Starring: Dwayne “the Rock” Johnson, Alexandra Daddario, Zac Effron
Plot: Devoted lifeguard Mitch Buchanan butts heads with a brash new recruit. Together, they uncover a local criminal plot that threatens the future of the Bay.
Running Time: 116 minutes

Jim: Never watched the show, but worth a rental. In other words, see-worthy. Heh heh.
Chris:  like The Rock, but I remember that moment when David Hasselhoff became uncool when I was a youngster.  When he traded in the leather jacket for the orange trunks.
Robert: (eye roll) You mean to tell me that a life guard is so proud of his job that he going to act like an FBI agent? Get outta here.

Long Strange Trip (Amazon Studios) – Documentary
Rated R for drug content throughout, language and some graphic nudity
Tag Line: The untold story of the Grateful Dead.
Starring: You know who.
Plot: The tale of the Grateful Dead is inspiring, complicated, and downright messy. A tribe of contrarians, they made art out of open-ended chaos and inadvertently achieved success on their own terms. Never-before-seen footage and interviews offer this unprecedented and unvarnished look at the life of the Dead.
Running Time: 238 minutes

Robert: I like music history. I took a lot of music classes in college, so I enjoy documentaries on anything music. But I’m glad Amazon Prime… I don’t have to pay for it. That is if I remember to stream it.
Jim: Not a big fan of the band, so gets a blank, hazy,  stare from me.
Chris: Not a fan of this band, so my interest is Dead on Arrival.

Drone (Screen Media Films) – Thriller
Not Rated
Tag Line: Choose your targets wisely.
Starring: Sean Bean, Mary McCormack, Patrick Sabongui
Plot: Ideologies collide with fatal results when a military drone contractor meets an enigmatic Pakistani businessman.
Running Time: 91 minutes

Chris: Could be an entertaining thriller, but not enough to get me to the theater.  Will Sean Bean lose his head again?  Stay tuned.
Robert: I can see this being a roller coaster of emotions. Sean Bean is just one of those ones where you gotta like whatever he’s in. But I will save this one for the small screen.
Jim: Kind of like Patriot Games, but this time Sean Bean’s the good guy.

Tickets Purchased: 3 for Pirates of the Caribbean!

C'mon, that was punny!
C’mon, that was punny!
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Trailer Snark (August 19 2016 Theatrical Trailers)

Welcome to Trailer Snark, a weekly column covering trailers for movies that will be released this week with thoughts from our roster of bloggers (Jessica from The Female Perspective, Ken from The Crank File, Jim from The Front Row View, Rob from Spector for Hire, and Great Stories founder Chris).  Thanks for reading, and enjoy the previews!

Last Week: Suicide Squad paid dividends for the DC brand and Warner Bros again this week with a second straight week at number one and $43M in box office dollars bringing its domestic total to $222.8M.  The next two entries were the brand new films Sausage Party ($33.6M) and Pete’s Dragon ($22.5M).  Paul Greengrass’ Jason Bourne came in fourth ($13.6M/$126.7M).  Bad Moms rounded out the top five ($11.4M/$71.4M).  The rest of the list went as follows: The Secret Life of Pets ($8.8M/$335.9M), Star Trek Beyond ($6.8M/$139.6M), Florence Foster Jenkins ($6.5M/NEW), Nine Lives ($3.5M/$13.5M), and Lights Out ($3.2M/$61.1M).  Let’s take a look at this weekend’s new releases!

Kubo and the Two Strings (Focus Features) – Animation/Family
Rated PG for thematic elements, scary images, action and peril
Tag Line: Be bold.  Be brave.  Be epic.
Starring: Charlize Theron, Art Parkinson, Ralph Fiennes
Plot: A young boy named Kubo must locate a magical suit of armor worn by his late father in order to defeat a vengeful spirit from the past.
Running Time: 101 minutes

Rob: I have been waiting for years for this one!!  It looks awesome.  The story is absolutely intriguing, and the origami-stylization of the 3D stop-motion animation is eye-popping.  Get me my ticket and my popcorn.  This is THE movie to see this week.
Chris: Total renter for me.  I could have predicted that Animaniac Rob would be all over this one though.
Jessica: Holy moly does this look amazing! I admit the trailer got me, using “As My Guitar Gently Weeps” as the music was a perfect touch. I’d see this in the theater and I don’t normally go for animated features in the theater.
Jim: Love the design, this looks pretty amazing. This weekend for sure.
Ken: The visuals look unbelievable and that Beatles cover… Origasmi.

Ben-Hur (Paramount) – History/Drama/Adventure
Rated PG-13 for sequences of violence and disturbing images
Tag Line: Teacher. Prophet. Savior.
Starring: Jack Huston, Morgan Freeman
Plot: The epic story of Judah Ben-Hur (Jack Huston), a prince falsely accused of treason by his adopted brother, an officer in the Roman army. After years at sea, Judah returns to his homeland to seek revenge, but finds redemption.
Running Time: 124 minutes

Ken: I dig the gladiator battles, but PG-13? I demand blood! Love the accents in these ancient-timey films. Everyone sounds somewhere between  British and Australian. Except Morgan Freeman who just sounds awesome, no accent required.
Rob: Looks great, but we already had remakes in 2010 and 2003.  WTF Hollywood?  Hire some writers.  Create some new stories.
Chris: I know it’s been remade a bunch of times, but it looks EPIC!
Jessica: Not even Morgan Freeman can make me watch this pile of poo. I didn’t even get through the trailer. I’ll stay home and watch “Gladiator” or “300” instead, thanks.
Jim: I’m a big fan of the ancient epics of Old Hollywood. The 1959 version was always a favorite. Doesn’t look like there’s much new here.

War Dogs (Warner Bros) – Comedy/Drama
Rated R for language throughout, drug use and some sexual references
Tag Line: Money, corruption and the American dream
Starring: Jonah Hill, Miles Teller
Plot: Based on the true story of two young men, David Packouz and Efraim Diveroli, who won a $300 million contract from the Pentagon to arm America’s allies in Afghanistan.
Running Time: 114 minutes

Jim: Blah. Couldn’t find anything remotely funny in this.
Ken: This looks more interesting than funny. It’s been Hollywooded up for sure, but it’s a true story. It feels like Blow, except with guns instead of cocaine.
Rob: Might be good for a rental for laughs.  Not a big-screen experience though.
Chris: Not even remotely interested.
Jessica: I’m hopefully optimistic about this. It’s association with The Hangover makes me nervous (adore the first on, hate the other 2) BUT, Jonah Hill looks amazingly crazy and I might even be able to deal with Miles Teller. It’s intriguing to say the least.

Morris from America (A24) – Comedy/Drama
Rated R for teen drug use and partying, sexual material, brief nudity, and language throughout
Tag Line:  Nothing rhymes with Germany.
Starring:  Markees Christmas, Craig Robinson
Plot: The romantic and coming-of-age misadventures of a 13-year-old American living in Germany.
Running Time: 91 minutes
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IoX3MIWPttQ
Jessica: This looks like so much more than just a simple movie about a rapper from America in Germany. It looks funny and sweet and a lot of fun.
Jim: No interest whatsoever.
Ken: Having lived overseas for a period in my 20’s and being a bit of a rapper myself, I really connected with this trailer. I’ll watch this at home, away from the haters.
Rob:  I couldn’t even make it through the whole trailer.  A movie about a young rapper growing up overseas.  Pass.
Chris: Go to your room….why?  Because you like terrible movie trailers.

Kingsglaive:  Final Fantasy XV (Sony) – Animation/Adventure
Rated PG-13 for fantasy violence and action throughout
Tag Line: None
Starring: Lena Headey, Aaron Paul, Sean Bean
Plot: King Regis, who oversees the land of Lucis, commands his army of soldiers to protect the kingdom from the Niflheim empire’s plans to steal the sacred crystal which gives Lucis its magic and power.
Running Time: 110 minutes

Chris: This looks beyond awful.  And I usually like this kind of thing.
Jessica:  I didn’t even watch it, looks boring if you’re not a Final Fantasy fan (which I am not).
Jim: ZZZZZZZZ
Ken: Looks like the cheese stands alone on this one. I stopped playing FF around number VII, but the best part of those games were the cut scenes. Square Enix made the most jaw-dropping, butt-kicking CG animation you had ever seen. They were always two steps ahead of the competition and I think they’ve done it again. I can’t say much for the story here, but there were a handful of scenes where I couldn’t tell whether I was watching animation or real actors. That alone is worth a play through. This is a video game trailer, right?
Rob: I’ll rent it for the animation, but the story does not look strong by any means.

Lo and Behold:  Reveries of the Connected World (Magnolia) – Documentary
Not Rated
Tag Line:  The virtual evolution of humankind
Starring: Elon Musk, Lawrence Krauss
Plot: Werner Herzog’s exploration of the Internet and the connected world.
Running Time: 98 minutes

Rob: The internet is a manifestation of evil?  M’kay.  Pass.  Even on the rental front.  Pass.
Chris: Actually, this looks fantastic.  Just not on the big screen.  Been a big fan of Herzog’s documentarian output.
Jessica: Looks really interesting, but an at home viewer for sure (and FYI, being able to Tweet THOUGHTS? No thank you!).
Jim: Always good to see a trailer full of something stimulating and intellectually fulfilling. At the very least, a rental for this.
Ken: Lo and be bored.

Tickets Purchased:  Four Tickets for Kubo (Rob, Jessica, Jim, and Ken) and One for Ben-Hur (Chris)

Will the Guitar Pick of Destiny show up in the sequel?
Will the Guitar Pick of Destiny show up in the sequel?

 

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Trailer Snark (March 11, 2016 Theatrical Trailers)

Welcome to Trailer Snark, a weekly column covering trailers for movies that will be released this week with thoughts from our roster of bloggers (Jessica from The Female Perspective, Ken from The Crank File, Jim from The Front Row View, Rob from Spector for Hire, and Great Stories founder Chris).  Thanks for reading, and enjoy the previews!

Last Week:  Let’s hear it for Disney folks!  Zootopia ruled the box office, and it wasn’t even close.  $73.7M in receipts for their latest animated film.  Meanwhile, it’s closest competitor London Has Fallen managed to do more business than Deadpool with $21.7M and good for second place.  The aforementioned merc with a mouth came in third and still doing brisk business with $16.4M to add to its $311.1M domestic haul.  Unreal.  Whiskey Tango Foxtrot debuted at number four with $7.6M and in fifth was Gods of Egypt with $5M/$$22.8M.  The rest of the top ten went as follows:  Risen ($3.8M/$28.6M), Kung Fu Panda 3 ($3.5M/$133.8M), The Revenant ($3.3M/$175.9M), Eddie the Eagle ($3.1M/$10.8M), and The Witch ($2.5M/$20.9M).  What does this weekend have in store…well, lets see.

10 Cloverfield Lane (Paramount) – Drama/Mystery/Sci-Fi
Rated PG-13 for thematic material including frightening sequences of threat with some violence, and brief language
Tag Line: Monsters come in many forms.
Starring:  John Goodman, Mary Elizabeth Winstead, Bradley Cooper
Plot: After getting in a car accident, a woman is held in a shelter by two men, who claim the outside world is affected by a widespread chemical attack.
Running Time: 103 minutes

Jessica: I’m curious, but not curious enough to pay for it. I thought the first Cloverfield was only okay, it actually gave me wicked motion sickness so I had to close my eyes for a lot of it, perhaps I need to revisit that one. Anyway, I’m curious about this and I simply adore John Goodman!
Chris: Looks riveting, and I pretty much will watch anything that JJ Abrams is attached to.  Too fanboy, no?
Ken: I passed on the first one because I was already burnt out on shaky cam, found footage movies, but fortunately the sequel doesn’t look or feel anything like the original. The tension and feeling of dread was palpable.
Jim: Loved the first movie, shaky cam and all. I’m there.

The Young Messiah (Focus Features) – Drama
Rated PG – 13 for some violence and thematic elements
Tag Line: Discover the savior when He was a child.
Starring:  Sean Bean, Adam Greaves-Neal
Plot: Tells the story of Jesus Christ at age seven as he and his family depart Egypt to return home to Nazareth. Told from his childhood perspective, it follows young Jesus as he grows into his religious identity.
Running Time: 111 minutes

Jim: Not as deathly solemn as some of the other trailers for recent Biblical flicks. A smidgen of interest.
Jessica: No thanks.
Chris: My Lord and Savior plus Sean Bean?  I must have died and gone to heaven.
Ken: This movie would sell more tickets if they had gone with the original working title, Jesus: The Force Awakens.

The Perfect Match (Lionsgate) – Comedy/Romance
Rated R for sexuality, some nudity, and language throughout
Tag Line: It’s what everyone is looking for.
Starring: Terrence Jenkins, Paula Patton
Plot: A playboy named Charlie, convinced that all his relationships are dead, meets the beautiful and mysterious Eva. Agreeing to a casual affair, Charlie then wants a bit more from their relationship.
Running Time: 96 minutes

Ken: I felt like I watched the entire movie in the trailer. And it was still way too long.
Jim: One of those movies where only hot-looking women are allowed to be in. Conventional trailer, but lively.
Jessica: Yawn. I’d rather watch the grass grow.
Chris: OK….maybe I will think about it…no.

The Brothers Grimsby (Columbia) – Comedy
Rated R for strong crude sexual content, graphic nudity, violence, language, and some drug use
Tag Line: MI6 has a brand new tool.
Starring: Sacha Baron Cohen, Isla Fisher, Rebel Wilson
Plot: A new assignment forces a top spy to team up with his football hooligan brother.
Running Time: 83 minutes

Jessica: I only thought Cohen was moderately funny in Borat, he has gotten a lot less funnier as time has gone on. I’ll pass on this one.
Chris: I am with Jessica on this one.  One hit wonder!
Ken: Looks so juvenile, but should be good for a few senseless laughs. Streamer.
Jim: No.

Creative Control (Amazon Studios) – Drama
Rated R for strong sexual content, nudity, language and drug use.
Tag Line: A story about virtually everything.
Starring: Nora Zeheter, Benjamin Dickson
Plot: In near future Brooklyn, an ad executive uses a new Augmented Reality technology to conduct an affair with his best friend’s girlfriend…sort of.
Running Time: 97 minutes

Chris: Where is the color dammit?  Actually, color won’t make it interesting, so pass.
Ken: I actually really liked the visuals in this movie. I think there is potential here to explore the already blurring lines between reality and digital reality.
Jim: Have to admit, looks interesting. Some good buzz on this.
Jessica: Oh good lord no. Not a hipster movie about technology!

Eye in the Sky (Bleecker Street Media) – Drama/War
Rated R for some violent images and language
Tag Line: The commander is in England. The drone pilot is in America. The terrorist is in Kenya. And the authority to strike is up in the air.
Starring: Helen Mirren, Aaron Paul, Alan Rickman
Plot: Col. Katherine Powell, a military officer in command of an operation to capture terrorists in Kenya, sees her mission escalate when a girl enters the kill zone triggering an international dispute over the implications of modern warfare.
Running Time: 102 minutes

Jim: Nice cast including the late, great Alan Rickman, although too similar to other trailers for this type of story.
Jessica: Oh thank god, finally, a GOOD movie. Fantastic talent (RIP Prof Snape) and an interesting and timely story. I don’t know that I would pay for it but I will eventually definitely see this one (how’s that for being weirdly noncommital?)
Chris: Can’t say that I am envious of those people who make these life and death decisions, and that makes the subject matter all the more interesting to me.
Ken: Wasn’t feeling it.


Hello, My Name is Doris (Roadside Attractions) – Comedy/Drama/Romance
Rated R for language
Tag Line: She’s not ready to act her age.
Starring:  Sally Field, Max Greenfield, Beth Behrs
Plot: A self-help seminar inspires a sixty-something woman to romantically pursue her younger co-worker.
Running Time: 95 minutes

Ken: Ha, ok I was going into this trailer thinking it was going to be a waste of two and a half minutes, but that looked pretty darn charming.
Jim: From the director of one of my favorite dumb films of all time, Wet Hot American Summer—looks funny, good to see Sally Field in a comedy.
Jessica: OH! This looks wonderfully funny and touching. Would totally see this if I weren’t saving my movie passes for Superman versus Batman 😉
Chris: Would I have to trade in my man card in saying that this one looks charming?  Small screen charming to be sure.

Tickets Purchased:  3 for 10 Cloverfield Lane (Ken, Jim, and Chris) and 1 for Hello, My Name is Doris (Jessica).

The real secret of 10 Cloverfield Lane?
The real secret of 10 Cloverfield Lane?